It was a dark time for Georgetown ska. It was September in the year of Our Lord nineteen hundred and ninety eight. The Instigators, the town's resident ska band for so long, had recently disbanded and (sniff) taken jobs in the real world. Things looked bleak, but in the dank recesses of the GU pep band room, the ska rebirth was, um, reborn. Lee Stafford, Bethesda resident and bass man of the highest regard, approached Long Island trombonist John Cain with the immortal words "Do you like ska?" and Dr. Zaius was officially born. 

Like Feinian heroes of yore, they collected a brave, though motley, crew of ragamuffins, and were ready to begin. There were a few problems with holding onto either a sax player or a lead singer though...

In the first few months Dr. Z was briefly graced with the presences of alto saxaphonists Mike Hammer and Meg Kinnard and the baritone saxiphone skills of Dominique Gonyer. Unfortunately, none stayed for more than 3 practices. This was unfortunate because they were all really cool, unlike the first lead singer, who will always remain in our memories as "The Bitch." Like her namesake, she was a bitch. She came to 4 practices in the span of 4 months, and then quit. What a bitch! And she took all of the band's lyrics and CDs when she left. Damn, she was a bitch!

Then a real tragedy struck the band. Andrew Baxter, a.k.a. Drum God, left the band so he could play in every other campus band. This sucked ass. But Ryan Hathaway, of GU Pep Band fame, offered to join, and there was much rejoicing. Hurrah. Soon after this near-calamity, Dr. Zaius (or Mr. Biggelsworth, as we were briefly known) were fronted by a boyfriend-girlfriend duo whose duration in the band was so short no one can remember their names. D'oh! But longtime band friend Alissa Goodman then volunteered her vocal talents, and there was much rejoicing. Hurrah. Dr. Zaius finally had it's first serious frontperson.

After having a lineup that was stable for more than a month, the band began to play numerous gigs on campus and at the infamous Grog and Tankard of Wisconsin Ave. It was at this time that alto saxaphonist Zena Barakat, awestruck by the power and talent of the band, asked to join. Wary of the saxaphone curse that Dr. Zaius, she was allowed to join, and there was much rejoicing. Hurrah.

Unfortunately, this lineup was not to last. Rob Ryang transferred to Columbia to pursue his dream of film, erotic film that is (just kidding). Alissa resigned her post that summer over creative differences. The band, shaken but still resolved, realized that they had gone through more singers than Van Halen, and they looked within the band for a new singer. Unbeknown to the rest of the band, Zena could sing, and sing she would, and there was much rejoicing. Hurrah.

The lineup seemed complete again. Parth would cover Rob's parts, and the horn section seemed content. Seemed, I said. John had recruited an alto sax from his hometown, John Mooney, but ROTC soon recruited him, and that was that. Tim Hanson, another Long Islander, hung around enough and gradually got accepted as a band member, then left. Chris Stege took another route, securing his membership in the band by asking for solemn promises from Doug, Lee, and John when they were drunk.

All was going well that year, until white boy himself informed us that he would have to quit the band in order to purse his career in investment banking and porn films. Due this unfortunate event Dr. Zaius auditioned guitar players from across the land, until we found Mr. Jim Weir. There was much rejoicing. In the process we were able to aquire the man-about-town Dan Fabiano as our new alto sax player. Will he break the saxaphone curse? Only time can tell. Nothing can stop Dr. Zaius now. They recorded a demo. They have a stable lineup. They conquered the small nation of Andorra (ok, maybe that's only a half truth). Only time will tell where if the apes take over the earth like that movie about apes on that planet said, what was that film called again?